BrightSpirit of VailentClan

by **Brightspirit** Fri Feb 28, 2014 7:40 pm

Name: BrightSpirit
Gender: She-cat
Appearance: Gray white she-cat with amber eyes. Darker flecks speckles her pelt.
Mate: None yet
Kits: None yet
Clan: ValientClan
Rank: Warrior
History: When Brightspirit was born it was a given shame. No one wanted her not even her own parents. To this day Brightspirit can be a nice she-cat. But other times she is a snappy cat.
RP style: Brightspirit lifted her nose to the air, scenting for prey. Suddenly a strong scent reached her nostrils. But it wasnt prey. Intruder! Brightspirit bounded towards the scent, rage flaring in her nose. Im getting closer. She thought. After a few fox lengths she came upon a feather. she looked up, Another feather!. Bright followed the feathers and gasped when she saw a dead robin. One she didn't kill.
Extras: Brightspirit is sometimes a snappy cat.
Referred by: N/A.
Skills: Hunting and Stalking
Skill she needs to work on: Social skills and Swimming.
Loyalty is what matters.

by **Nightmare** Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:46 pm

Looks good, but I'm going to ask you to lengthen your RP sample a bit. It doesn't have to be a huge paragraph, but just a couple more in depth sentences so we can get a better idea of your RP style. Smile

Edit; I see you've edited it, Approved! Feel free to start posting, and Alue or an Admin will add you to the members group when they come online ^.^
BrightSpirit of VailentClan 2664407287

If I may make a small suggestion however, you may want to work a little bit on your sentence structure, as you have a lot of short simple sentences. There's nothing wrong with that and they're still complete sentences so I'm still approving you, but when you read a bunch of them in a row it sounds a little blocky. Maybe try adding more compound/complex sentences when out RPing in the rest of the board? Smile

Otherwise it looks good and sounds realistic! :3